


all i want

by softambrollins



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 12:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16095947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: "Nah, it's not nothing," Dean tells him, almost apologetically. He saw that look on Seth's face before he got back in the ring, only for a fraction of a second maybe, but it wasthere, and he looked almostterrified. "You were wondering if I was gonna do it.""No, Dean —" Seth says at once, wincing slightly, finally turning to look him in the eyes. "That's not — I know you wouldn'tever. I just, I was wondering if maybe...maybe some small part of you felt they wereright."





	all i want

**Author's Note:**

> Post-RAW 24th September, because that was an emotional rollercoaster I was not expecting. Whew.

Seth's quiet after Roman pats them both on the back and heads to the showers, leaving them alone in the locker room. But he's been weirdly quiet all night when it was just them backstage, and then he left to talk to Drew, and was even quieter afterwards. He's usually always yammering on about something before a match; it's just what Seth _does_. Seth's really good at playing the part, keeping that smile on his face and acting like everything's fine and that he's got it all under control. That together they can handle anything that's thrown their way. And maybe just him believing it is enough to make it feel real. Dean doesn't really need to listen to the actual words after so many years, but just the sentiment and the sound of his voice has always brought some kind of familiar comfort with it. 

They haven't really had a chance to talk, just the two of them, since the beginning of the night. Seth had just asked him if he was okay after they'd hugged in the ring and Dean had given him the thumbs up, and he thought maybe everything could go back to normal now, that they could forget about this whole stupid night.

But now, Seth's still just sitting there next to him silently, eyes trained on the floor in front of him, slowly removing his gloves. His face looks far away too, expression almost completely indiscernible. Something's obviously eating at him, and now without the lights and cameras and feverish crowds, he can finally let the veil drop.

He's wondering if he should just break the awkward silence himself, when Seth just softly clears his throat, head still bent forward, and says, voice still a little hoarse and uncertain, "You know, for a moment there, I wondered..."

Dean sharply lifts his head up and turns to him, just watching carefully. But Seth stops right there, an almost pained look crossing his features now. Dean sees him swallow hard, lick his lips then press them tightly together, like he's trying to take the words back. But he knows he can't now.

"What?" Dean asks bluntly.

Seth shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut for a moment. "Don't worry about it. It's nothing —"

"Nah, it's not nothing," Dean tells him, almost apologetically. He saw that look on Seth's face before he got back in the ring, only for a fraction of a second maybe, but it was _there_ , and he looked almost _terrified_. "You were wondering if I was gonna do it."

" _No_ , Dean —" Seth says at once, wincing slightly, finally turning to look him in the eyes. "That's not — I know you wouldn't _ever_. I just, I was wondering if maybe...maybe some small part of you felt they were _right_."

Dean just lets out a heavy sigh. "Seth…"

"No, it's okay," Seth cuts in. "I don't blame you if you did. The whole Jordan thing — I didn't want to do it without you, man, but I _liked_ being champ again, it felt good, and then I felt fucking _terrible_ about it. And then I was so caught up in my own shit, with the title and Dolph and Drew, when you came back. I think I was just so glad to have you back that I didn't even think...I didn't even stop to think about how _you_ were feeling. And I promised myself I'd _never_ do that again —"

"Seth, can you you just stop? For a minute?" he says, exasperated now.

Seth opens his mouth, then closes it, eyes wide and so, so brown, just looking at him. He nods at him instead to let him know they're on the same page.

"I don't care about any of that shit," Dean tells him firmly. "I'm glad you and Roman have the titles. I might not have been here, but I was watching. And both of you worked your asses off for that."

"Well, you almost died," Seth says sheepishly. "You deserve a title for that. At least."

Dean smiles wryly. "Nobody deserves shit in this business. Even if you almost fucking died. I learnt that a long time ago."

It's kind of what he loves about it, really. It's really all about the climb and not the prize at the end. If that makes him crazy, then so be it.

"I was so fucking angry, though," Seth admits, his jaw tensing even now. "Hearing them say that shit. Like they know anything about us —"

"They think they do," Dean says. "Lots of people think they do. But they're not here. They're not in this. So they don't matter."

"You really mean that, huh?" Seth says, gazing up at him with an almost awestruck look in his eyes.

"Wouldn't be here if I didn't," Dean says simply.

"I just — I don't get it sometimes," Seth tells him, barely more than a whisper.

"What?"

"How you can forgive me. After everything." He's never put it into words like this before, but Dean's seen that look on his face before. Like he can't quite believe that Dean's actually here and real and standing by his side again.

Dean's silent for a long moment. "I was alone for a long time," he eventually says. "Thought maybe I'd be that way forever. And I was okay with it. Really. But — it wears on you, you know? Your soul or whatever. It's like you're trapped at the bottom of a dark pit and the whole world feels so far away. Like, you can hear everything happening out there but only barely. Everything just kinda...goes numb after a while. Pretty soon you almost forget what it was like in the first place."

"I'm sorry," Seth tells him quietly, reaching out and gently resting his hand on top Dean's on the bench between them, thumb stroking against his sensitive skin. Dean hates when he says that, and he knows it. They're way past apologies, and he knows Seth has enough guilt on his plate as it is. Maybe he'll never really be rid of it. Maybe it's why tonight got to him the most out of the three of them.

"I didn't wanna be alone anymore," Dean says with a shrug. In the end, it was an easy choice. Just like tonight. Seth hurt him more than he can even begin to describe, but Seth's always been the person who understands him the best, who knows him like no one else ever will. Who sees every part of him and still wants him, just as he is. He couldn't be whole, couldn't be happy, without him. Part of him always knew that. And it was the scariest fucking thing in the world to trust him again — and maybe Seth's right to wonder, maybe he does still think about Seth walking away from him again and if he'll survive it this time — but it's _right_ in a way he's never felt with anyone else in his life. And that makes it all worth it.

"But is that all you want?" Seth asks, and Dean can hear the wariness in his tone, the careful calculation in his words, the gears turning in his head.

"What do you mean?" Dean says, frowning at him.

"I mean, you know you deserve _everything_ you want, right?" Seth says, his voice trembling a little bit now, his eyes bright and shining.

"What are you even talking about right now?" he asks, confused.

Seth takes a deep breath before the words spill out. "I love you, Dean. More than anything. But what if it's not enough?"

Dean just stares at him for a long time. Long enough for Seth to look genuinely worried. It almost looks like he's expecting Dean to just get up and walk away from him right now. Or maybe punch him in the face.

He lets out a low frustrated noise, shaking his head. "You're such a fucking idiot, Seth," he grits out. Then, he slides nearer to him on the bench, until they're close enough for their shoulders and knees to touch.

Seth just looks startled, like he's not sure what exactly is happening now, if he should pull away or not.

He's so, so quiet when Dean leans in and kisses him, eyes still open like he's forgotten to close them or he's just trying to commit this moment to memory, until Dean tangles his fingers in his hair, dragging him even closer, kissing him harder, deeper, until all he can taste is Seth, until all the tension and anxiety from tonight slowly drains out of both of them, leaving a light, hopeful feeling in its wake. 

Seth's practically in his lap now, warm breath on his face, beard grazing pleasantly against his own, Dean's hands wandering up under Seth's shirt, Seth's arms around his neck, clinging to him so tightly. Like he'd be fine staying right here forever.

"I can't believe I'm in love with such a fucking moron," Dean says in between kisses and Seth just laughs against his mouth.

"I'm not going anywhere," he tells him when they finally break apart, one gentle hand on his cheek, tilting his chin up so he's looking Seth right in the eye. "This is all I want. You. Roman. You're my family."

Seth leans forward slightly to brush their foreheads together, his fingers interlacing with Dean's on his thigh. He nods slowly.

"Okay," he says, and it feels almost like a promise. That as long as he wants this then it'll be right here waiting for him.


End file.
